He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
