I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
