I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
