cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
