who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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