Nicole vs. Life
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
