After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
