you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
