We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
