You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i've created a new STD.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
