The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
