whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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