I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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