i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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