I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
