Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize