he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize