her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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