respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
