nut hugger
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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