Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize