yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
