three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize