dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
