great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
