Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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