woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
