Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
