Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
