Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
