So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
