When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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