my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
