Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
