I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
