so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize