Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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