Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize