got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
