So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
