I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
