I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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