dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Boobs are out for the taking
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
