He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
