I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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