What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
