It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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