Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
