I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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