I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
