dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize