Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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