We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize