I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
