I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
