I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
