At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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