Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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