She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
