Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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