Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
