How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
