You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
