I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
